Emergency Room Orifice Disasters Part 2

Backyard Studio Warmup And Drinks

Intro 0:11

From our humble backyard studio, this is the Almost Famous Radio podcast with your host, Jeffy McJefferson. Let's go!

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 0:25

Welcome to the Almost Famous Radio podcast. Jeffy McJefferson here.

Rayette 0:32

Hello.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 0:33

And uh Jody, what was that thing you just did? Okay.

Rayette 0:39

Mike started sticking his head.

Mike 0:41

Have you seen that ducks game lately?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 0:42

Have you? I don't know. Let's go around the table, baby. What do you got?

Rayette 0:50

Oh shit. I've got a.

Mike 0:53

I'm getting you drunk right now.

Rayette 0:55

Mike's getting me drunk. A party bomb, party crasher, 8% hard strawberry lemonade.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 1:04

Yeah. And she's usually drinking Dutch brothers.

Rayette 1:07

And I've already had a cider and some shots of moonshine.

Jody 1:10

This might be the first time I get to see you drunk. Yay!

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 1:14

Jody, what you got? She makes it at the second pot.

Jody 1:19

Chardonnay, Sonoma something. Sonoma something. Something, yeah. Yeah. Pussy wine.

Mike 1:25

But it's not pussy wine. Wine should be red only.

Rayette 1:29

No. No. No, I don't like wine. I only like riscada.

Mike 1:35

It's like I'm drinking the manliest man drink you can find. Surge. 8% blood orange.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 1:42

Made by Whiteclaw.

Mike 1:44

Well, why do you gotta bring that up? It's you know, just leave it at Surge.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 1:48

It's soj. It sounds like Surge. Yeah, Sage. Surge.

Mike 1:52

It's like the guy at Beverly Hills cop, Surge. Oh, you'll it's a lemon twist, you'll love it.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 1:56

Surge. I have seen at a spring fest. But it's not Sage. Is it 8%?

Mike 2:06

Serge. No, it's not 8%. It's 6%. You just drink and shut up.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 2:11

Yeah, pussy. Son of a bitch, yeah. I think I have the most pussiest drink here. Yes, you do. Well, there's white wine.

Rayette 2:18

Well, yeah, but mine has an Ollipop in mine.

Mike 2:20

Matt and I are manning up.

Jody 2:22

But white wine might be pushyish.

Rayette 2:24

Puss pussy. Man, I shouldn't have put those beard hairs today.

Mike 2:29

Mine has the most alcohol.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 2:32

And we have Karen sitting in. Yay, Karen sitting in. What? Woohoo!

Rayette 2:41

I love when Karen's here.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 2:44

Karen has a good time here, man, for sure.

Jody 2:46

We're going with my deafness.

Mike 2:50

Hey, I want to go on record right now before this whole shit starts. That's shit. Okay. I am not responsible for anything Jody says.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 2:56

None of us are.

Mike 2:58

I am not going to be held accountable.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 3:00

None of us are. None of us are.

Mike 3:02

We both went to the same high school, but all crater grads watching this, we are not alike.

Jody 3:06

Everything is because of mike

Classy Tease Of ER Mishaps

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 3:09

No more pies. All his fault. I like that disclaimer. But um, come on. Yeah. So Rayette and I, Ricker, did a uh a podcast. You know, we're like I always tell everybody, we're really classy. Yeah.

Jody 3:27

So we're super classy.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 3:28

Yeah, we're classy. So it was like classy. Emerg emergency room visits with things getting stuck up a dick.

Rayette 3:36

Yeah.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 3:37

So that's what I'm saying. Stay classy, San Diego, right?

Rayette 3:40

Rick was pretty much in the fetal position the whole time discussing that.

Jody 3:44

I assume he was because that's a little tiny hole.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 3:47

I can't.

Jody 3:47

Yeah. So what could go up there?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 3:50

Well, you'll just have to listen.

Rayette 3:52

Because you. Uh pointy. If you want to know, you'll have to listen. Because there's a whole bunch of things.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 3:59

Once we get that published, I will definitely let you know.

Rayette 4:01

But shouldn't, but did.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 4:03

This is basically almost like a three-part series.

Mike 4:05

So just like highlight a couple things that went up there because I didn't hear that one. Some things that were in there. A comb.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 4:14

A comb? Yeah. Should we go any farther? No, that's good. Okay.

Rayette 4:25

Are you cringing yet? Are you holding your legs together? Ouch.

Mike 4:29

Yeah. Yeah, I I've done a lot of things to my many. But you never put a comb? No, dude.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 4:36

No.

Rayette 4:37

We'll save that for a whole nother episode. There you go.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 4:40

Yeah, that's gonna have to be another episode for sure. A comb. A comb.

Rayette 4:45

A comb.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 4:46

So today. There's nothing that shouldn't be up there.

Rayette 5:01

The you-ha! What? There's nothing that shouldn't be up there.

Mike 5:05

You know what? Here's the thing. You know what we're gonna find out on this entire list. Everything that they're taking out of them is there's one thing they're missing. I would bet we're probably gonna find it. It was that nobody took my dick out of it.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 5:19

I mean, look at this list here. Where's the problem? It's the first time I've seen this list.

Jody 5:22

And uh And that's the only thing that belongs in there, to be honest with you.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 5:29

What a fucking surprise. You know, I've just went I just went through this list. I just went through this list and your dick hitting on it. Dare it. Okay.

Rayette 5:36

Mike's dick isn't on there.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 5:38

Mike's dick is Mike's dick's dick. It's not on that list.

Rayette 5:42

Okay. All right.

Holiday Bell Lighter And Foil

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 5:43

Welcome to my world. Yeah, well, I'm used to that too. Yeah. If this was things stuck in a hand, I'd be on this list, probably. Mr. Fister. So Okay. Y'all ready? I can't wait to hear this. Yeah, this is the first time I've seen this list too, so it's gonna be a surprise for everybody. First on the list. You have the list. It's a holiday bell. Oh, excuse me?

Rayette 6:08

A holiday bell.

Mike 6:09

Merry fucking Christmas. Yeah.

Jody 6:11

Why do they why do they put it up there? What's the reasoning?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 6:15

I'm asking you that. We don't have we don't have vages. Did it say the which holiday it is?

Rayette 6:20

I can say I've never looked at a bell and said, man, that might fit in my vagina.

Mike 6:29

The bell is wider on the bottom. I've never said that either. Smaller on the top. Did it go in backwards or forwards?

Rayette 6:34

I mean, I mean, if I had to choose, it would back be backwards from the top. Small, the small to the back, yeah. With the openings still.

Mike 6:42

And there better be a little like ring so you can get it out. Obviously, this one did not do the ring.

Rayette 6:46

Oh, yeah, because they had to go to the ER.

Mike 6:49

Well, if she got shimmied and it rang the bell, wouldn't that be cool? Well, that's what I'm saying. Yeah.

Rayette 6:54

What are you here for at the ER?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 6:57

It's like a doorbell. Yeah, before I take you, before I take you to the emergency.

Rayette 7:01

Dinner's ready. Dinner's ready.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 7:03

Dinner's ready.

Mike 7:11

Turns out dinner's way back there.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 7:13

Yeah. I was gonna say something, but I can't top that. I just can't.

Mike 7:20

So can you guys go in the room and going, hey, what's wrong? And just have her twerk and go, oh.

Rayette 7:27

Oh, you got he has to put a bell up here, pussy.

Mike 7:30

Yeah. Yeah, we get that all the time.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 7:32

I think I'd buy her hula hoop, too.

Mike 7:35

Ding a ling-a-ling-ding.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 7:40

I have a feeling that this might be a part of the Christmas episode this year later on.

Jody 7:44

Have your cell phone. Little Christmas ding ding ding ding. Jingle bells. Ding ding ding ding. Jingle. Ding ding all the way. Oh shit.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 7:56

God, I I need a bell on my very thing so I can.

Mike 8:00

Shouldn't these still be with the picture of the person? I mean, that would be I know it's HIPAA, but I don't know if I want to see if there was just a picture of that person. I kind of don't want to see.

Rayette 8:09

I kind of want to see.

Mike 8:10

I would love to see that. Because if I saw that person in public, I'm like, hey, want to go on a date? Yeah. Yeah. This may not last a long time, but at least, you know, one ER visit and we'll have fun. And would you would you sing the old song?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 8:25

You can sing on my bell. Ring my bell. Ah. Okay.

Mike 8:37

This song plays in my office. Yeah.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 8:39

I knew this was gonna be a fucking blast. So second. We got an ex. We have a lighter.

Jody 8:47

A lighter?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 8:49

Is it a zippo?

Mike 8:50

Light my fire, baby.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 8:51

Light my fire and ring my bell.

Mike 8:54

Oh my god. A lighter.

Rayette 9:00

A lighter. Did she smell like lighter fluid?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 9:05

I don't know. I don't even know what kind of lighter. Is it one of those stick lighters? I guess.

Rayette 9:09

Well, that's what I was wondering. Was it a stick lighter?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 9:12

Or a bic lighter.

Rayette 9:14

A sticky bic lighter.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 9:17

I stand a chance. I stand a slight chance if it was a bic lighter with this girl.

Rayette 9:24

But do you light it? I just don't know what that would honestly, just being a girl. I don't know what that would do for you.

Jody 9:30

A lighter. You know, it's like this. Yeah, what do you do with it? Do you light it before you sorry?

Mike 9:36

Was that really their last date? I don't know.

Rayette 9:41

I don't know what that would do for you, though.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 9:43

I'm pretty sure they divorced after that one.

Rayette 9:45

Yeah. Yeah.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 9:46

She could she could also make the claim she went on a diet and she was lighter after that. No.

Mike 9:58

I just want to see the nurse's face. She goes, How did that get in? Yeah. Yeah.

Jody 10:02

Wouldn't that be fun, seriously, to be a nurse and working in the ER and have these people come in?

Mike 10:08

Oh, I've heard those stories.

Jody 10:09

Huh. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's a gerbil. Oh, okay.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 10:14

Richard Gear. Oh, uh this one seems a little painful. It could be. I love this one. Aluminum foil.

Jody 10:23

What the fuck? Yeah, what would you do with aluminum foil in your frickin' m muffy?

Mike 10:28

Was it shaped?

Jody 10:30

Was it shaped a certain way?

Mike 10:31

Yes. Was it big like a big old bigger reefer and just put it in there? And then they roll it up like a big thing.

Rayette 10:38

That sounds painful. Yeah. I'm not into it. You know, what do you do with it? I'm not into that one.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 10:44

Well, I wouldn't think you would be.

Jody 10:46

No.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 10:47

No.

Jody 10:48

And he had it all ready for you tonight, Rayette. Damn.

Mike 10:51

I used them with foil to keep my meat warm after taking out the barbecue. Maybe he was just trying to get it. Well, that's well, you're keeping your meat warm. And so she inserted it. Maybe this guy was onto something.

Jody 11:00

Is that how you keep your meat warm? Is wrap it in tinfoil? Apparently.

Mike 11:03

You cover it. Yes, you do.

Rayette 11:05

So if you see them walking around with foil on their wangs, you'll know they're trying to keep it warm. Come there, baby. Maybe that's what happened. You guys had it wrapped in foil, and then you inserted it, but you came out, but the foil didn't. That's the explanation.

Mike 11:21

Okay. We just solved that mystery.

Rayette 11:23

They were trying to keep their meat warm. Yeah. Thank you very much, Rayette. Yay. Yep. You're all welcome.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 11:29

And you know what? Yeah, she says we're all welcome, but you know, guess who came out on top on that? Us. You're the one that was stuck. Not really. You just paid for ER visits. You're the one that's stuck with heavy duty reynolds wrap up your vag. Not us. There is that. But was it greenfield?

Jody 11:46

But actually, if you think about it, I think out of it.

Mike 11:50

Pulled out like shit.

Jody 11:51

The tinfoil stayed inside. The shit was stuck in there. You know what?

Mike 11:55

Tinfoil would just picture it. That is a redneck rubber.

Jody 11:59

Yeah. Yeah.

Mike 12:02

Maybe maybe the woman had a latex allergy.

Rayette 12:06

So they used a tinfoil?

Mike 12:09

There you go. There you go. Good job. That's two crater brains working together right there. Yeah. All of a sudden it went from fucking stupid to brilliant.

Rayette 12:20

Brilliant.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 12:20

I'm not a smart man, but Mike hit it right on the head. My wife's got a late text out of it. My wife had a latex. My wife got two latex. So I went aluminum foil and we didn't get stuck right up there.

Jody 12:35

It got stuck.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 12:38

I had to take Jenny to the emergency room to get it, you know, extracted.

Mike 12:44

Turns out she has a lead poisoning now.

Cotton Balls Popsicle Stick Logic

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 12:47

So I put my new Nike shoes on there and we ran and we ran and we ran to the emergency. This one seems like this one seems kind of, I don't want to say plausible, but cotton balls.

Mike 13:07

She's she's a squirter. Why would you put it on the side? She's a squiter. You can't even feel it. It's just a squirter.

Jody 13:15

But if you if you put the you know the cotton balls up there and get rid of some of the juice.

Mike 13:22

You'd probably hardly just swallow it. But if you can't, yeah. If you're not into that, fine.

Jody 13:26

More better. But it would just be too dry to do anything. So why would you know?

Mike 13:31

It's brilliant. It's brilliant.

Rayette 13:32

Maybe she was trying to make it smaller so y'all felt big in there.

Mike 13:36

Hell.

Jody 13:37

Hell. That's my girl.

Mike 13:42

He just got shot down.

Jody 13:45

Next.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 13:46

Next.

Mike 13:50

At least it wasn't like what's the what's the shit they do to keep the houses warm?

Rayette 13:53

Insulation. Insulation. Because it's smooth for them.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 14:05

Hey, baby. Do you want to play my cotton balls? That'd be great.

Jody 14:11

How would you get them all out? You know, at the end of the day, obviously they didn't. Tweezers. Because it would still be up in there, and then when you're done, you'd have to tweezers. Long tweezers. You'd have to reach up in there and get it. Tweezers.

Mike 14:22

Just a scoop. Like a rice scoop. You know, you'd rice.

Rayette 14:27

Tongs.

Mike 14:27

Pull it out.

Rayette 14:28

Tongs.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 14:29

Yeah. So let's let's this next one I kind of am interested in because I want to find out if it's I mean how this happened. I'm sure that I I I would I got my guess, and I'm sure everybody's gonna get that too. A popsicle stick.

Jody 14:45

You put the popsicle up there and it's what I'm saying. And you waited until it melted.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 14:50

That's what I that's what I thought.

Jody 14:53

Not that I've ever done this, but I would think. Was it a rocket hop?

Mike 14:57

Because you fucking knew what he said right away, didn't you?

Jody 15:00

Was it a rocket pop? I would think. Like those rocket pop ones? You put the popsicle in there and it, you know, you do your thing and it would melt, and then there's a popsicle stick too far up there to grab.

Mike 15:11

You described this so well, but you don't know what the fuck he's talking about, right?

Jody 15:14

Wouldn't you hold on to the phone? You never done this popsicle? None.

Mike 15:16

Once again, I'm not responsible for what Jody said. Yeah.

Jody 15:21

Wouldn't you hold on to a book? I heard the podcast, you want to try a popsicle tonight, baby? You want a rocket pop? Rocket pop, I want a rocket pop.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 15:32

So I guess a limb in line one would be a margarita. Hey, you want a margarita tonight? Here we go.

Rayette 15:37

Want a margarita, baby? I got a little bit.

Mike 15:40

We'll just get a fudgesicle. All of a sudden it's like, dude, you always wanted the black man, didn't you? Well, there you go.

Rayette 15:45

Oh shit.

Mike 15:47

If your wife wants a fudge sicle and really, honey? There's the rocket pockets. Once you go black, you don't go back. Oh yeah.

Rayette 15:54

Oh yeah.

Mike 15:55

There's a stick on that motherfucker. By the way, the fudge sicles are the same size as a regular popsicle. Fuck you.

Jody 16:04

I like fudge sicles, so I so I would eat that.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 16:07

So would I.

Jody 16:08

Yeah.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 16:10

Oh God.

Mike 16:14

You wouldn't have to worry about a stick. That's the next podcast. That's the next podcast, Jeff. Jeff, that's the next podcast. I'm over there. So we know you like fudge sicles.

Orca Mermaid And Toy Shock

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 16:23

That's good. How about this? How about a plastic orca?

Rayette 16:30

What?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 16:30

Yeah, plastic orca.

Mike 16:31

There'd be whales in here!

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 16:32

Yes!

Rayette 16:33

Smells fishy to me.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 16:38

Plastic orca. She had a whale of a time. You're gonna need a bigger boat. I can't stop laughing.

Mike 16:50

Orca. Plastic orca. The fins had to be an issue.

Jody 16:56

Yes.

Mike 16:58

Killer whale. I get the shape, but the it maybe there's a soft, flexible fins.

Rayette 17:02

I'm with you. I'm with uh the shape?

Mike 17:04

Yeah.

Rayette 17:05

Okay. Okay.

Mike 17:06

But I had to have a but they gotta be soft, flexible. Physically removed, I guess. Oh, they've been de-finned.

Rayette 17:11

But still, that would hurt. Then that would hurt because those would be a rough edge.

Mike 17:17

Ribbed for your pleasure.

Rayette 17:19

No.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 17:21

Wailed for your pleasure.

Mike 17:24

You guys from Wales? No, no.

Rayette 17:28

She goes to the ER and they're like, what happened to you? I got wailed.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 17:38

I went to SeaWorld. And it was a whale of a time. I went to a whale of a time in SeaWorld.

Rayette 17:45

We gotta turn that heater off, I think. Oh, yeah.

Gemstones And Piercing Confessions

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 17:47

It's right behind you there if you want to. A gemstone. That doesn't seem too like just a stone? It just says gemstone.

Rayette 18:00

I bet she had her pussy pierced. Oh, and it got stuck up in there with it. I lost one of mine in the toilet one time. Do you have pierced down there?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 18:11

Yeah. Self-obvious.

Rayette 18:17

Did it hurt? Oh, I paid a lot for that. Well.

Mike 18:21

Did it hurt when they pierced it? No. Really? No. You have no feeling down there?

Rayette 18:25

No. I'm sorry.

Jody 18:29

Yeah.

Mike 18:30

My job's fucked up.

Jody 18:31

My job's fucked now. Okay, so I have a question. Was it just a lip that you pierced? No. Was it the clit that you pierced?

Rayette 18:38

Right above it. Right above it?

Jody 18:40

Did it hurt? When you had it pierced? No. No. It was quick. Did it make sex better? Yeah.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 18:47

Yeah.

Rayette 18:48

Also wearing jeans.

Jody 18:52

I know where I'm going tomorrow. I actually liked it.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 18:56

To the piercing palace. I thought this was gonna be a one and done deal on this one, man. This was turned out.

Jody 19:02

But really?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 19:02

Yeah.

Jody 19:03

And but when you had it, and when you had it pierced, it didn't hurt.

Rayette 19:06

No, not really.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 19:07

Get your nips pierced.

Rayette 19:08

It was quick. No.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 19:09

Oh, okay. So did you go to them all? Did you go on one? You go to the mall and go, hey, uh like a clip piercing, please. Thanks. Just pull the curtains close.

Rayette 19:17

No, I went to a tattoo shop here in town.

Jody 19:19

That's what I when I had my belly button Pierced. That's what I did. I went to a shop.

Rayette 19:22

Well, here's what happened. We went in to get tongue piercings, me and my friend. Ouch. And she did hers first, and they pulled out her tongue like with four sips. And they went, ugh, ugh, ugh.

Mike 19:34

And you were like, I'm out. I'd rather do my pussy.

Rayette 19:36

Fuck this. Pretty much.

Mike 19:39

I'm going to option number two.

Jody 19:40

I love my pussy trainer like that, but not my mouth. I mean, that's the same thing.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 19:47

Not those lips. Let's just go down there, these lip. Oh yeah.

Jody 19:50

Yeah. And it didn't hurt. No. It was fantastic. Really?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 19:56

Okay.

Mike 19:57

The cheapest orgasm she's had in a long time. I want to get my twisty back.

Jody 20:04

Let's go. Okay, let's do it. Let's make it a girls' trip. I would re-Pierce. Okay. Let's do a girls' trip. We're gonna do a girls' trip down to the tattoo shop. Jeff.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 20:13

Can you do remote podcasts? Well, I was gonna say we'll do we'll be documentation on this.

Jody 20:17

We'll film when we're done. Oh, we are.

Mike 20:20

And you can do a video podcast?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 20:22

I will now.

Rayette 20:24

Like, woo-hoo! I mean, that's pretty much what happened.

Mike 20:29

Huh.

Rayette 20:29

Huh. Huh. Put your feet in the stirrups and go. Not with you.

Mike 20:33

I thought this was gonna be a simple one.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 20:34

I didn't do.

Jody 20:36

I would do it with you, right? This was like a one done though. You ever want to do it again? Let's do it. This is turned into Jeff, you feel like getting your dick pierced? Because I have this little bump right here. I don't have to.

Mike 20:47

I saw a guy in the locker room time. It's got a big old giant fucking rod through the head of his cock. I'm like, are you fucking shitting me? Yeah. I'm like, oh dear God. You can't say anything.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 20:58

You're just looking at it going, Hey Mike, you're distracted in the subject, man. Let's go back to it. I want to hear more about this shit.

Rayette 21:06

He wants to talk about pussies in the back. I do have to talk about pussies in deck.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 21:10

That was the last one. Yeah. As much as I hate going on from that one.

Mike 21:20

So much more good.

Rings Gloves And Retrieval Debates

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 21:21

Because I really do hate going on now. Fertile ground. Yeah. Inserted two diamond rings in her vagina while at a party in fear they would be stolen.

Jody 21:34

Okay, so tell me.

Rayette 21:35

That's where I how hide all my good jewelry.

Jody 21:37

How do you stick your jewelry up there and just let it sit? I mean, doesn't it just like come down sooner or later?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 21:42

I mean, you'd have to I have no clue why you're looking at me on that.

Rayette 21:45

It depends. Are you doing have you been doing your kegels? Have you been doing your kegels? I do kegels. I mean, if you say Are you doing them right now?

Jody 21:54

Well, I am right now because of the snips.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 21:57

Because of the gemstones.

Jody 22:00

The 20 seconds and it's up there, it's up there. But I've even no matter how hard you do your cagles, how could you get a little tiny diamond ring stuck up in there?

Rayette 22:10

Maybe it was a big diamond ring. That's why she didn't want to get it stolen.

Jody 22:14

That could be it. Yeah, okay. Here's my thought.

Mike 22:18

She got asked to be married by two men at the same time. That's the place she hid the diamond ring. She didn't like either one of them.

Jody 22:24

Maybe she put them in aluminum folds.

Mike 22:28

Two guys are trying to hit on her. She put both rings in her badge and walked out with a third guy. That's my theory.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 22:34

I like two diamond rings. I just want to see when they get married. I just want to see when they get married, and you know, say, hey, can you place the ring on their on her finger? I was like, okay, let's see this. I'm ready for this.

Mike 22:50

We don't need a ring bearer. She brought it with her.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 22:52

And the thing about that is they have they have wedding photographers, so we're gonna get a good show on this one.

Mike 22:57

Mom and dad, turn around.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 22:59

Yeah. Or don't.

Rayette 23:03

Or don't.

Mike 23:04

For that girl, that mom and dad probably wouldn't. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. How about it? Shit, she's getting drunk already. So I could see this happening. Latex glove.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 23:27

I got the wrong side.

Jody 23:27

I wouldn't want the person I'm with.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 23:29

If you're stirring the soup and then you're using a glove and then all of a sudden it gets sucked up in there, I guess that's fine.

Rayette 23:35

Why are you going to get the biggest thing?

Jody 23:35

I don't want a latex glove on my man's hand while he's going up there. I want the real thing. What about your?

Rayette 23:42

Why would it get stuck that you need an ER visit?

Mike 23:45

Yeah.

Jody 23:45

Yeah.

Mike 23:45

How can you not read it?

Rayette 23:47

Why can you not pull that out? Yeah.

Jody 23:49

I mean, you've already obviously had your hand up there. Yeah, exactly. So, like, pull it all back up there and pull it out and call it good. I mean, there's a stopping point up there.

Mike 23:59

I wish you knew which state it was in. No, there's no states. That would be helpful.

Rayette 24:04

I agree. Yeah. Because maybe it's a disgusting storage. It's not like it's an ever-ending thing.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 24:10

There's a there's a stopping point there. So if it was a dude that was using the latex glove, maybe you might think about a little feminine hygiene products can, because he didn't want to get that smell all over his hand.

Jody 24:22

Oh yeah, that could be. Duche.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 24:26

Yeah.

Jody 24:27

I have a story to tell y'all. Are you ready?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 24:30

Tell of a linebacker.

Jody 24:32

I have a story. This is a story. It's kind of in my younger days.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 24:36

I um, does this involve a latex glove?

Jody 24:39

But no, well, no, but it's not responsible for it. So I used to always go stay, because I was born in Reading, California, and I'd go down and visit my cousins in Reading. And so I'd go down there to stay with them, and then we'd go to Shadow.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 24:53

Well, hang on, I got to do the disclaimer. And we're not responsible for this. Go ahead, Jody.

Mike 25:01

All the fine print has been read.

Jody 25:03

So I go down and visit, and um, we were getting ready to go to Shasta Lake.

Mike 25:08

Say go down again.

Jody 25:09

And she said, and I told my cousins, I said, I started my period. And she says, Well, use a tampon. I said, I've never used a tampon before. I'm 14 years old. And my mom told me I couldn't use one until I lost my virginity.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 25:22

Oh, yeah, I remember that. And she said, That's the previous show.

Jody 25:25

She said, No, you can use one. I said, Well, I don't know how to use one. And she goes, Well, here. She goes, You just she gave me the tampon, my cousins, you know, and she said, just go in the bathroom and stick it up inside you. So I stuck up, did my thing. Well, I couldn't get it all the way out because I didn't know what I was doing. And I was telling them, I'm like, look, you know, I can't get it in or out. It's just stuck. She goes, Well, pull no, it hurts when I pull it. And my cousin said, okay. She goes, put your leg up on the toilet. I said, You're gonna pull it. No, she goes, I'm not. She goes, I just want you to put your leg up on your to on the toilet and you know, we'll do it together. So I pulled my leg, put my leg up on the toilet and she just shanked that thing out. And it hurt like a mofo. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So Nate, this is say I wore a kotex to Shasta Lake at 14 years old.

Rayette 26:13

Oh. Yeah, I feel that. That hurt.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 26:15

Can't hurt. Can you make that bikini a little puffy? Oh, the you know, your cousin. Your I just want to know who the celebrity that your cousin most resembles. Because I that would help out the picture a lot.

Jody 26:30

My cousin what?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 26:31

The celebrity she most resembles.

Mike 26:35

Jeff trying to picture a lot of people. What does she look like?

Jody 26:38

Oh, my cousin? Yeah. Okay. One of them looks like probably.

Rayette 26:47

Just say Rosie O'Donnell. Yeah.

Jody 26:49

Oh God. Next subject.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 26:51

Anyway.

Jody 26:53

Actually, I was I would almost say my one cousin looks like J Lo, and then the other one probably looks like they were they were full full-blown Indian.

Mike 27:02

Jefferson, we would take a cold shower now. Yeah, I am.

Jody 27:06

They were beautiful. Both my cousins were really.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 27:08

Can we open both windows here in the studio? I know. When we would go to uh No, I'm just saying because of that.

Jody 27:15

We'd go to Shasta Lake and I would lay in between them.

Mike 27:20

Flip that up. Up. Flip her up. Oh, there you go.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 27:24

No, I just had to cool off at the end. No, we would go to the colour. Jody would go to the single pulling a tail one out of Jody's and her cousin. No, that's incredible.

Jody 27:35

Yeah. My cousins were very pretty.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 27:39

That's incredible.

Jody 27:40

Next run. Next.

Bath Bombs Flowers And Why ER

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 27:45

I got the vapors. I got the vapors. A bath bomb. Don't they dissolve?

Rayette 27:52

A bath bomb?

Mike 27:53

I thought they did.

Rayette 27:54

So why would you need, yeah. Why would you need to go to the ER just wait in a hot bath? And that would be a big thing. And it'll bubble and be like, oh. To me, that would give you an infection.

Jody 28:03

Probably.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 28:04

But it would, but it would smell wonderful. Yeah.

Jody 28:06

And it's a wonderful smelling infection. Ew.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 28:09

No, I mean, not the infection. Bath.

Mike 28:13

Why not put her in the bath and roses? Balm and just do your thing.

Rayette 28:19

Were you sitting in the bath with your legs up while the bath bomb was going off and it just went whoops?

Mike 28:26

Giant fucking pus.

Rayette 28:29

I don't understand that one.

Mike 28:31

Yeah. No, either.

Rayette 28:32

Maybe they wanted to feel the efferescence of it as it dissolved.

Mike 28:38

Put an alcohol up there.

Rayette 28:40

Right? Yeah, I just can't imagine why that would be up there.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 28:44

Can you guys do it this way?

Rayette 28:45

Nope. Not doing it. Sorry. Sorry.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 28:48

Apparently not. Okay.

Rayette 28:49

Just so far I'm negative on all of these things that I would try.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 28:54

A little more reaction than the gemstones, and then I don't know. But anyway, bath palm just crashed. How about a small plastic mermaid? What the fuck? Ariel. Is it Ariel? Yeah, I guess. Well, is there Orca?

Mike 29:07

Why not Ariel?

Rayette 29:10

Well, I'm trying to figure that out. Why?

Mike 29:13

We're not dealing with the normal public. Why? That's true. Can we just not try to figure it out? Just sit back and just No, we gotta figure it out. Just until we're here. Enjoy the freaks.

Jody 29:23

Okay, so is that a plastic toy that you play in the bathtub?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 29:26

Small plastic mermaid. Obviously, she's not as big as the chick that had the orca in there. Yeah.

Mike 29:33

Fact. But the flipper. Was it in front of the floor?

Rayette 29:36

You're taking a bath and you see your kids' toys just sitting there and be like, man, that mermaid looks like it would fit up my pussy.

Jody 29:44

And then what? Do you leave it there for your kids to play with later? That's disgusting. What do you do?

Rayette 29:49

You go to the ER and have it removed.

Mike 29:51

Do you put it back in the bathtub afterwards?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 29:55

Or do you throw the toy away?

Rayette 29:57

That's the thing.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 29:58

And then the doctor at the ER goes, you know, there's a bath bomb up here too.

Rayette 30:02

And some aluminum foil?

Jody 30:04

I would just say to me, you would think you'd be able to be able to get this stuff out yourself. You would think that's what I'm thinking.

Rayette 30:11

Yeah. Every single one of these, I'm like, why couldn't you just get it out?

Jody 30:15

Okay, so you push when you have a baby. So you have something up in there, push out.

Rayette 30:19

So you know a big ass 10-pound thing comes out of there. Why can't you get that little shit out of there? Yeah, exactly.

Mike 30:25

You know, if I'm the husband of any of these women and we have some fun, we're doing something stupid, and it got up there, I'm I'm diving in. I'm getting that shit out because nobody's gonna know how stupid we fucking were.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 30:35

Sadly. I agree with you 100%.

Mike 30:37

I'm getting my barbecue tongs, I'm spreading that thing open, we're getting that shit out. I'm gonna use nobody's gonna know about this.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 30:45

100%. I'm gonna use my fucking teeth and get that. I'll pull, I'll pull that little plastic mermaid out by my fucking teeth by the fin. Whatever.

Mike 30:54

Go get the I'm gonna get my my my back my shot back.

Jody 30:59

I don't want anyone else to know how psycho we are in bed.

Mike 31:02

I got the shot back. I'm pulling everything out, man. I got half your kidneys out of this thing for them.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 31:08

Then I'm gonna shake that motherfucker around like a like an Indian scalp somewhere. We're taking pictures, but nobody else is gonna know but us. That's right.

Rayette 31:15

And Walgreens, who develops the pictures.

Mike 31:19

Here's that. I walked up one time in the old days and there was a towel hanging over the uh the 24, the one-hour photograph thing, the towel hanging over and like.

Rayette 31:27

Are those mine?

Mike 31:29

Yeah, because you could see the picture's coming off. You just put a towel over. I'm like, sorry.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 31:34

Sorry. And if I seen that plastic mermaid up there, I'll probably need that towel for something else. That's more normal pictures. Can I use that towel for cleanup, please? Thank you.

Jody 31:47

My stomach's starting to run laughing so hard.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 31:51

A flower toy. Flower toy, like a flower, like a plastic toy. Like a rose.

Rayette 31:57

Like a plastic toy. Like flower. It's Valentine's Day. You give her a flower.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 32:02

Put two lips in your phone. Put two lips in your two lips.

Jody 32:05

Yeah, was it a two toy?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 32:06

Two lips to two lips. Put two lips in your two lips.

Jody 32:11

I think the only thing that should be put up there is your significant other's dick. Dick. Thank you. Oh, come on. Or adult toys.

Rayette 32:20

I don't without adult toys. Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay with that. But like a mermaid.

Mike 32:26

You mean a fucking orca wouldn't turn you on?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 32:28

What?

Mike 32:29

An orca wouldn't turn you on.

Jody 32:30

No. I don't want an orca.

Mike 32:36

Just go get your nun's habit on.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 32:41

Yeah.

Mike 32:42

Prude.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 32:43

You wouldn't you wouldn't squirt out of your big thing.

Mike 32:47

You don't want anything else up there. Okay, whatever.

Jody 32:51

We don't want you on those podcasts anymore, Jody. You're a prude.

Mike 32:54

We're gonna have to we're gonna have to talk after this show and what people want to do. Do you have your Mormon garments on at the same time?

Jody 33:00

Right.

Mike 33:05

I love the Mormons are gonna have all the garments on with their fucking 14 wives. Like, oh whatever.

Rayette 33:11

What the fuck happened? Oh, I thought you were pouring that in my room. I'm like, I've already drank half of this.

Weed Smuggling And Cocaine Travel Tale

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 33:16

I'm like, okay, this I think this could happen here in Oregon.

Jody 33:23

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I'm sorry, Rayette.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 33:26

Pine tree?

Jody 33:27

I'll see what you're doing tonight. Not this zip code.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 33:29

The report of a bag of marijuana has been found in her vagina for two days and it's uncomfortable.

Rayette 33:36

Yeah.

Mike 33:37

Smugglers. You know the difference between pussy and weed? Tell me if you smell weed from 20 feet away. It's good weed. I guess that's a good point.

Rayette 33:50

Oh shit, I just got that.

Mike 33:52

Yeah, it took it took away. He was smuggling something.

Rayette 33:56

You're true. Because if you smell pussy from 20 feet away, if you're staying 20 feet away.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 34:01

It's time to turn around. Now, what if the pussy stank and she had that shit in her?

Rayette 34:08

Then it's bad weed at that point. You ain't smoking that.

Mike 34:12

Yeah, yeah.

Rayette 34:12

You ain't smoking it. Did you put weed in your pussy? Oh no, no, no. Oh, okay. You hesitated there. I was a little worried about you. No.

Jody 34:22

I was just thinking about another story. Oh, I thought you were thinking about that. No. This kind of the same thing. Well, dad was there, but it was actually the couple we went with. Okay.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 34:31

So a little more. It was um back in the day. Yeah, I'll get the AC on in here, man. This this is getting uh way.

Jody 34:42

Back in the old days when we did drugs, cocaine. Okay. Cocaine? Yeah, cocaine. Oh, okay. Okay. So this was back, you know, when I was younger. Anyway, so we were going to Hawaii and we went with this other couple, and she put the cocaine. She wore it at a kotex and she stuck it inside the co-tex. And she got all the cocaine to Hawaii. You sure you don't go to Eagle Point?

Rayette 35:08

And then you still sniff.

Jody 35:12

I thought it might have been Scott . Do you know a Scott ? Totally called you out. You're way older than me.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 35:18

Sorry. Sorry, Scott. If you're not sure. Don't worry, Scott. We know your secrets. Sorry, Scott .

Rayette 35:31

Sorry, Scott.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 35:32

Yeah.

Jody 35:33

You've been called out.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 35:34

Sounds like he should have been from Cave Junction. Good call.

Jody 35:37

Oh, yeah. Anyway, back to You might know him. Yeah. Well, who was the other one? Yeah, tell us all their names.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 35:50

This is only listened to worldwide. We had Scott . We had Philip . Oh, and fill me up. And fill me. Fill me off. Yeah.

Jody 36:04

Okay, so um, ignore that name. Anyway. So Yeah.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 36:09

We'll ignore Scott . Okay. Oh.

Rayette 36:12

But weed up there seems uh I mean that's I mean, that's more excitable because that's where they smuggle it. Yeah, okay. Not as impressive. I wouldn't do that. Even back then. Did you snort the cocaine after it was in your pussy? I mean, it was essentially in her pussy.

Mike 36:30

Her quiet says everything.

Rayette 36:32

Yep. Okay, yes, I did.

Jody 36:34

Well, she did. I wouldn't put it on mine. So that doesn't make any sense. Let's talk about something different. You asked a really bad question, Rayette.

Rayette 36:47

Inquiring minds want to know. Yeah.

Jody 36:51

I'm going to be on the front page of the inquire. Yeah.

Rayette 36:54

With Scott Marshall.

Jody 36:59

Okay, so that's another thing.

Rayette 37:01

This is old news. This was last week, so leave her alone now. I want to go home. I want to see my dog.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 37:10

Yeah, he's your dog.

Jody 37:12

My dog.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 37:13

He's your dog. He's your dog. Scott's my dog.

Mike 37:15

You can find Scott and send him to leave the podcast.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 37:18

Scott's my dog, man. He snorted that cocaine right at my pussy.

Rayette 37:22

If you're out there, Scott, get a hold of us.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 37:24

Yeah. Come on, Scott. Come on

Jody 37:29

So that's even worse, right?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 37:30

Well, Scott. He was a lucky guy on that one, apparently.

Jody 37:34

He had a good one, a good smuggler. Yeah, a good smuggler.

Charm Bracelets Fisting And Two Vibrators

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 37:40

You're a donkey. Bracelet charms.

Jody 37:42

My husband asked me, and I said, Oh, hell no.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 37:44

Bracelet charms.

Mike 37:45

The love charm.

Jody 37:46

Just trying to be A Love Charm up here for vajayjay? Yeah.

Mike 37:50

It's okay to say bracelet. He probably was fisting her and it came off.

Rayette 37:53

That's what I was thinking. Her girlfriend was.

Mike 37:56

Getting a fist. And all of a sudden pops off.

Rayette 37:58

And it fell off. Seemed fist.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 37:59

And I wonder if she's one of the girls. Always after me lucky charms.

Mike 38:02

You haven't seen Fister? Mr. Fister? Dude, Mr. Fister up there. Oh yeah. Oh, some amazing memory can't.

Jody 38:09

I have little fists. You have little tiny hands. I have little tiny hands. I can see yours going up of a vajayjay.

Rayette 38:16

Mine fit in a .

Jody 38:17

Mine wouldn't fit in a Vajayjay.

Rayette 38:19

Not saying from personal spirit.

Jody 38:20

And your guys just wouldn't. You have man hands.

Mike 38:23

More lube.

Jody 38:24

So how would it fit inside one?

Mike 38:26

Practice.

Jody 38:27

Practice.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 38:33

You gotta build to the crescendo.

Rayette 38:36

You start with the little hands.

Mike 38:38

Don't build the door the Empire State Building in a day, okay?

Rayette 38:42

You start with the little hands.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 38:44

Yeah. This next one's probably the orca chick who you know tried to step up her game. How about two vibrators? Practice. Again, practice. Practice.

Rayette 38:54

Were they little ones or big ones?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 38:56

We're talking about practice, man. We ain't talking about the game. We're talking about playoffs.

Jody 39:00

Playoffs? Well, I just don't understand. Two vibrators. Two vibrators. It's an American way. More is better. I mean, little vibrators. But I wouldn't know anything about them. Okay, okay.

Rayette 39:15

I'm not saying that's wrong. I'm just saying, how do they get so stuck that you have to go to the ER?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 39:20

Okay, so you do you have a good point. So do you have to go like I can see two because I mean, why not?

Rayette 39:25

If one's good, two's better, right? But I'm just saying, how do they get so stuck that you have to go to the ER?

Mike 39:31

And why couldn't you? Because that's the whole point of it. If you get two vibrators up your pussy, you should be able to have your husband's hand go get them. Well, here's the thing. Thank you.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 39:40

That's the thing, though.

Jody 39:41

Why go to the ER?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 39:43

It was a single thing. When they put two vibrators in there, do they get them out for the club? Do they do they like draft each other like you know one right after the other? Or do they go in side by side by side? Side by side.

Rayette 39:53

I say side by side.

Mike 39:54

Going side by side. And I get I bet it's a single woman who was just trying to have fun and they slipped in and she's like, I can't, oh fuck, I can't get him out. This sucks.

Jody 40:02

But don't you think he would be able to get them out for her? What if she's by herself, though?

Mike 40:07

She was by herself.

Jody 40:08

She's by herself.

Rayette 40:09

She should have just phoned a friend.

Mike 40:10

Yes, exactly. Phone a friend.

Rayette 40:16

I got you. I got you. I have two vibrators stuck up aside. Can you come mail me? If that happens, I got you. Okay, thank you.

Mike 40:22

It had to be a single woman who would just be.

Rayette 40:25

I'll put on my latex glove and come diving.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 40:28

With her charm bracelets on. Look what happened.

Rayette 40:35

I'm feeling this party bomb. I just want you to know.

Mike 40:37

Oh, good. Jeff, you got two vibrators?

Rayette 40:40

Yeah, she's willing to find a vibration by the J Jane.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 40:44

You can help her out. Well, I'm going to make a run after this for sure.

Rayette 40:47

Maybe we do.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 40:48

Does Castle deliver? We're going to find out.

Rayette 40:52

Oh, is it on DoorDash?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 40:53

Yeah, we'll Door Dash.

Rayette 40:54

What are we Door Dash them?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 40:55

Uber vibrators?

Rayette 40:57

We're DoorDash and vibrators.

Penis Rings And The Spoon Question

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 40:59

I'm going to put these two in the same category because a penis ring and two penis rings.

Rayette 41:05

Because one's not enough. How in the fuck does that come off?

Mike 41:09

I never even worn one.

Jody 41:11

I don't even know really what a penis ring is.

Mike 41:15

Yeah. See, I don't know. Yeah, that's a good point. We're all kind of clueless on that one.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 41:24

They haven't made one. And also. They haven't made one small enough for mine yet.

Rayette 41:28

Why would it be stuck? Again, why would this stuff be stuck that you have to go to the ER for it? Yeah, I mean, just fish around. I can fucking DoorDash that shit from Walgreens. Walgreens and Target. I can DoorDash that shit. Okay.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 41:44

From Walgreens?

Rayette 41:46

And Target. I can't?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 41:49

Well, get those fuckers over here.

Rayette 41:50

On DoorDash.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 41:53

God, God. And so can you DoorDash a couple of uh washers from Blackbird so I can at least have a penis ring?

Mike 42:00

You know, last week we did a thing. You couldn't have hairy chess in church. And now here we are doing this. Yeah. Yeah. Good lord. Yeah. Not one. I feel bad.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 42:11

But two spoons.

Jody 42:14

What would you do with a spoon?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 42:16

Well, you know, you were talking about cocaine earlier. Tar heroin, same thing.

Mike 42:25

It's like flappers. Two smooth. Two spoons. Well, you put a rubber band on one and just you hit the the ends, it's gonna black, whack, whack, whack, whack, and it opens up, flip, flip, flip. I'm just making this shit up. I haven't done this, no. I'm just trying to pretend.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 42:41

Really? Isn't two spoons? All of a sudden you were like, you've done this? No. Isn't two spoons a wrapper? I'll do it tonight, but I just didn't.

Rayette 42:49

Two spoons is a wrapper. I'm assuming this is how it goes.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 42:52

Two spoons sounds like a wrapper, so I can understand that.

Mike 42:58

You find 50 cent up there too? Maybe.

Jody 43:00

50 centube.

Windy Plastic Panic And Sam Elliott

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 43:05

Listen, this one's funny. This person was using a piece of plastic to masturbate when got spooked by the wind outside, threw the sheet over herself, and in the process lodged the piece of plastic deeper in her vagina and wasn't able to retrieve it. That's a windy fucking stuff. That fucking wind fucks.

Rayette 43:29

It fucks with me every time. I hate windy nights.

Jody 43:36

It just ruins the whole thing.

Rayette 43:37

I lose so much plastic.

Mike 43:40

I can't jerk off from this windy. It just drives me nuts. Nice. I get it. Poor woman.

Rayette 43:47

But do you use plastic? But do you use plastic? To jerk off with.

Mike 43:54

But the wind blows, so that wouldn't hurt. Not like a So tell me the wind was a tornado. Give me a reason why it's like, oh, there's a worry.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 44:09

Yeah, at least it's in a pendant.

Mike 44:11

The one that took your awning and shoved it in the backdoor neighbor last week. Yeah.

Rayette 44:16

That kind of wind might be a little bit more.

Mike 44:18

I still keep jerking off. I would stop.

Rayette 44:20

I don't know that I wouldn't even hear that.

Mike 44:22

It wouldn't slow me down.

Rayette 44:24

My mind would be a little bit more. I'd open the door so the blowjob got in the I'd be thinking about Tim Tebow naked. I wouldn't be listening to the wind.

Mike 44:32

Tim Tebow? Oh fuck, he's hot, dude.

Rayette 44:37

Trace Adkins. I mean, if I had to think of someone.

Mike 44:39

Okay, Trace Adkins voice is pretty good.

Rayette 44:41

Trace Adkins is Do you do that to Tim?

Mike 44:44

Not to Tim Tebow. No, no, not to Trace Adkins' voice? Neither one. No. Okay, just checking. Sam Elliott. I jerk off his voice. There you go.

Jody 44:51

Okay, oh my God. He has a sexiest voice.

Rayette 44:56

Obviously. Yeah. Mike thinks so.

Mike 45:00

Talk dirty to me Sam. Talk dirty to me.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 45:05

And like he's he's in the roadhouse. And then he's on Jody and he goes, it kind of hurts, doesn't it? Uh-huh.

Mike 45:15

1883. We're watching it right now. I'm watching Sam every night.

Jody 45:19

Yeah, Sam Elliott.

Mike 45:20

Tonight's gonna be a different night. Putting you to bed early tonight, honey. We're watching 1883.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 45:28

Come on, Mijo. Let's get the hell out of here.

Jody 45:36

Oh shit. Oh my gosh.

Mike 45:38

We had a lot of paper towels tonight. How about a hairbrush?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 45:42

Fuck.

Rayette 45:43

Oh, ow. Oh, that sounds painful.

Mike 45:46

It may be a comb, though. It might be a comb.

Rayette 45:48

That sounds painful.

Mike 45:50

Not for Sam. It's worth it. Sam would like it. I know it. Just think about that brush brushing his mustache.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 46:03

Brush him mustache.

Mike 46:04

After it's been up there? Yep. How does that man have his mustache hangover's? I can't stand that. His mustache is out of control. It's been growing for 30 years.

Rayette 46:14

Yeah, gross. You know what's all up in there?

Mike 46:16

And that hair, it's just and that the fucker walks like he's 80, 180 years old, but you know what? He's the sexiest motherfucker that anyone half his age was still doing.

Rayette 46:24

Oh yeah.

Mike 46:25

Did we get off track or what? But yeah, we don't have track.

Rayette 46:27

Okay, we always do.

Mike 46:29

How about your prostate example?

Rayette 46:30

He is.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 46:32

That's great. Still great. Yeah.

Rayette 46:34

He's still thinking about that, my doctor.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 46:37

Sam Elliott is now I want one from Sam Elliott. I just want to talk.

Rayette 46:42

Bend over and cough.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 46:44

Let me go ahead and get this. I'm going to go ahead and get this latex glove on, and we'll go ahead and promise I won't lose it. And we'll and we'll start the proceedings.

Mike 46:53

You know what's funny when the doc said, hey, John, it's totally normal when you get a heart on during a prostate exam. And the patient goes, My name's not John. He goes, No, that's my name.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 47:05

Uh-oh, we got this one. And there was a little bit of an internet thing. Detergent pod. Oh. Well, why did people do that?

Jody 47:16

Why would you even put that up there? That would like to be a good thing. And you're still looking at it.

Mike 47:19

You want to get it clean before you go eat it. Yeah. Makes sense.

Jody 47:23

You want to taste high?

Rayette 47:26

How about a jolly rancher?

Mike 47:28

So it's like a like a sweet one.

Rayette 47:29

I can think of way more things that would taste better than Skittles. Skittles, taste the rainbow.

Mike 47:34

Yeah.

Rayette 47:35

Like better than a Tide Pod.

Mike 47:37

Go to Walmart and see if you think people make bad decisions. I mean Somebody said a Tide Pod would make it taste better. I want to know what that woman tasted like before. That's the shit.

Rayette 47:47

That they needed a Tide Pod?

Mike 47:49

You know what, dude? I don't. Or whatever.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 47:53

Orca. How about plunger cap? A plunger cap. What's a plunger cap?

Rayette 47:58

Or tuna? A plunger cap? I don't know what that is.

Mike 48:03

Not the whole big fucking thing on the plunger, right? I mean. Did you get that up there?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 48:08

I don't know. Fuck I don't know.

Jody 48:09

That's impressive.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 48:10

You might be able to remove a lot of the shit before with a plunger. Yeah.

Mike 48:17

What how do you dude if you got that up there?

Rayette 48:21

You don't want to be nowhere near that.

Mike 48:23

Okay, that may need a new or visit. Yeah. I'll give it that way. Okay, last one.

Rayette 48:27

But do you want to be with someone that can fit a whole plunger up their pussy?

Mike 48:30

Once.

Rayette 48:32

Just once?

Mike 48:32

Yeah, once.

Rayette 48:33

But you're not gonna feel anything.

Mike 48:35

It's worth trying.

Rayette 48:36

I mean, you'd probably put your whole head up there.

Mike 48:38

It's like a cart wreck. You don't want to look, but you have to. Right. Am I gonna marry her? Fuck no. But that'd be a it'd be a story you'd always have. It would be interesting.

Rayette 48:48

It would be a good conversation for the podcast.

Mike 48:50

You know what I did one time?

Rayette 48:52

What time at Bandcamp?

Mike 48:54

I stuck a plunger cap up my country.

Rayette 48:57

I don't even know what a plunger cap is.

Mike 48:59

It's gotta be what sucks the shit out of a toilet, I'm guessing. You know, you get plugged up in a toilet.

Rayette 49:07

I mean, I I know what a plunger is.

Mike 49:09

I'm guessing the cap is a rubber thing at the end. Most of them I've seen are large. Last but not least.

Jody 49:16

Okay.

Mike 49:18

She was on a cruise on her honeymoon.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 49:22

This one sounds legit to uh beer bottle.

Mike 49:27

Normal.

Rayette 49:28

Yeah, so the problem with that.

Mike 49:29

I thought you were saying captain steubing.

Rayette 49:31

Is if it's empty, I've heard this. That if it's empty, it's gonna be a suction.

Mike 49:38

That's across from my two.

Rayette 49:40

Do you stick it smaller than at first? Yes, yes. I heard if it's empty, it creates a suction when you go in. Yes.

Mike 49:48

Well, I got a picture.

Rayette 49:50

Let's see. So, but that's what I've heard before.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 49:54

Can we conduct a scientist experiment right now?

Rayette 49:57

Like they say, don't do bottles. Because it creates a suction. And you can't.

Mike 50:05

If you can do your cagles and pull all the air out of it, what if you were to like vacuum it out and then put it in there? And all of a sudden air came in and it sucked it farther. I can get that.

Jody 50:16

I just couldn't imagine. You know, just um how embarrassing it would be to go. To go in and be like, I have a beer bottle stuck in my Vijay J. Oh, oh, by the way, I have a couple spoons. Oh, yeah. And I have a gemstone. A gemstone. Oh, oh, and I have the aluminum foil.

Mike 50:33

I'm going dumpster diving to get the shit out of here.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 50:36

While you're up there, while you're while you're up there getting a beer bottle out, can you take this plastic orca out too?

Rayette 50:42

There may or may not be an orca in there.

Mike 50:46

It's a dumpster diver, man.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 50:48

You know it would be impressive if they put it up or if they put a beer bottle up there with a cap on, and then you could pull it out and then have a beer. And then off the bottom.

Rayette 50:56

Oh, it sounds like you crouched the beer cake.

Mike 50:59

Really, you'd have to be a red wine because you want it at room temperature or kind of warm. So a red wine bottle would be better. Because then you pull out it's like perfect temperature.

Tide Pod Candy And Plunger Cap

Rayette 51:05

That's a huge bottle. I'm just saying, that ain't going nowhere near that's a lot of people would. Obviously.

Mike 51:13

Well, maybe you get the little ones like Jody's drinking. They have to have a little red wine, right? There you go. Well, you put a little sudden getting the eye ahead to go on, well, wait a minute. I got it. Yeah.

Rayette 51:21

Where did I just put a bottle away?

Mike 51:25

Are you going to put that thing up there after this to go home and say, Dan.

Rayette 51:31

I know what's going on tonight.

Mike 51:33

You say, Dan, I've got the wine at room temp. You're ready to go.

Rayette 51:37

Get the car ready for the ER visit.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 51:41

And if she's still talented enough, you know, when you pull the wine bottle out, then she'll spit the cork back out at you.

Mike 51:48

She still gets the ones to meld cap because that could hurt. And if you get here's the perfect woman, get right about here. It's almost done. And she can go and pull the cork out. That's what I'm saying. At the same time. Oh, hold on.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 52:01

And she'll spit it right back out at you. Oh my. There you go. That's the woman you want to marry. Yeah. Fuck cork.

Jody 52:05

Fuck cork screws. The one you want to marry?

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 52:07

Fuck corkscrews.

Jody 52:08

Who can pop the cork off of her vajayjay?

Mike 52:11

Can you go wrong with that woman ever? Probably not. I mean, you're probably right.

Rayette 52:16

Yeah. You're probably right.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 52:18

Even having a small penis manager. Good job, Dad. If she can suck if she can suck a beer bottle up, or she can suck my small penis right up there, too. So we're good to go. We gotta go. Is that it? That's it. Good night, everybody.

Rayette 52:35

Good night. See you later.

Jody 52:37

Jody's gonna go take penis.

Mike 52:39

I'm gonna go take food.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 52:42

Right.

Jody 52:43

See you later.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 52:44

We gotta go. We gotta go to fucking Hummingbird or something real quick. Sorry, guys.

Rayette 52:49

We gotta get some wine.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 52:50

I'm going to castle. We gotta get some wine. Yeah.

Rayette 52:53

Mike's going to castle.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 52:54

You know, we can have we can take a party bus to all this shit.

Rayette 52:58

I'm putting in my DoorDash order.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 53:01

Almost famous radio podcast.com. And thanks everybody. This is fun.

Jody 53:07

Yeah. Yeah. Way fun. Way fun. Bye, everybody. Love you.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 53:11

Anybody got anything else real quick? Peace out, babies. We're out.

Mike 53:15

Duck game.

Jody 53:16

Peace out.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 53:17

Yeah, because it's gonna be, you know.

Beer Bottle Suction And Closing Plug

Mike 53:19

That duck game was amazing. Yeah, well. The last score was crucial. So I wonder if one of don't be friends with Ricker! Yeah.

Rayette 53:28

Oh yeah, don't be friends with Ricker. That's a side side note.

Jeffy Mc Jefferson 53:31

We'll get on that one. Miss you, Ricker. Yeah. We miss you and stay in Cali.

Rayette 53:39

At least an arm's distance.